Leaving Edward
by jezzeria
Summary: BPOV Compilation piece to Divorce of the Century: Edward and Bella have overcome death, destruction, cheating, and everything in between. But can they withstand the possibility of divorce? AH OOC ExB
1. Chapter 1

**This is Bella's POV of Divorce of the Century, if you haven't read it first I recommend you do. This story could probably stand on it's own but is really meant to be a companion piece read after Divorce of the Century.**

**SM owns everything.**

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"Really, no sauce?" Edward asks me with a slight bite in his voice. We both know he really is upset about this even when he tries to mask it with a humorous grin.

"Sorry." I shrug, but we both know I don't actually mean it because tonight was _his_ night to pick up food, yet like always he found a way to get out of it. Just like he's managed to get out of everything else in our lives.

Edward sighs heavily, leaning back when he starts to eat and I can see the look of disdain written across his face. At this moment I hate him, over fucking sauce. I don't know when we got like this.

Everything is a fight between us these days. Neither of us really has the gumption to actually make the effort not to, so we are constantly bickering. The next few minutes pass painfully, I am still bristled ready to snap back at any remark Edward may make at me.

"I'm sorry," Edward's voice finally says and I can hear the frustration in his words. And I don't know if it's with me or the fact that we can't even eat without fighting.

"It's okay," I tell him methodically, even though I know if he says anything else I will more than likely make a smart ass comment, effectively starting a brand new argument.

"No, come here." His arm wraps around my shoulder pulling me back into his chest. I am still clutching the plastic fork in my hand stiffly.

He half smirks at me as he plucks it from my fingertips, tossing it towards the coffee table. His forefinger moves beneath my chin, and I willingly allow him to tilt my head up to look at him.

"I don't want to fight with you. I'm sorry, it seems like we both had a bad day." His hand moves up so that Edward can run his thumb across my cheek, effectively making me melt into him. This is the Edward I fell in love with.

"I'm sorry too, I should've gotten the sauce." I say feeling a pang of guilt in my chest.

"Don't worry about the fucking sauce." He whispers, kissing my lips gently. We smile idiotically at one another for a moment before both of our eyes rest on the tv.

Resting my head against his chest I listen to the rhythmic thumping of his heart, allowing it to lull me away from the frustrations of my day. Edward's hand moves across my back gently and I feel myself starting to fall asleep.

"Where'd you put my dry cleaning?" I ask Edward, needing to know before I doze off. His hand stills on my back and I can feel him go stiff beneath me.

Just like that our sweet moment is forgotten.

"You didn't get my dry cleaning?!" I shout, sitting up suddenly.

"Fuck," is all he has to say for himself before raking his fingers through his hair.

"You told me you were running late and couldn't pick up dinner because you had to get my dry cleaning. And you didn't even get the fucking dry cleaning?!"

"Something came up at work." He responds gruffly and I can see the anger in his eyes.

"Something or someone?" I spit back, even though I know he would never cheat on me. But at this point cheating is about the only excuse I will take for him forgetting to do the only thing I asked of him today.

"Please Bella I'm not you," He retorts bitterly making me reel back like I have just been slapped.

"Oh you're right, I'm the only one in this relationship who could possibly make a mistake! God forbid the perfect Edward Cullen EVER do anything wrong!" I scream like a banshee at him quickly losing any hold I have left on my sanity.

"That's not what I said Bella." He sounds like he's talking to a child all the while rolling his eyes.

"Fuck off." I spit before grabbing my coat off the chair I had deposited it on earlier.

"Where are you going?" Edward demands, his hands resting on his hips.

"Well my dry cleaning is going to pick itself up!" I retort before slamming the door behind me.

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When I step back into the house it is completely silent. I can hear Edward snoring from our room down the hall. I intentionally stayed away until I knew Edward would be asleep because I am still too angry to even look at him.

Walking into the bathroom I push the door closed but don't let it latch before hanging my clothes on the hook on the back of the door. Placing my hands on the counter I rest my weight on my arms leaning forward to look at myself in the mirror. I look frazzled and tired, exactly the way I feel.

I don't know exactly when my relationship became more of a chore than anything else but I know that I no longer feel the same passion I once did. I'm tired of the emotional ping pong. Looking at myself I decide: tomorrow I am leaving Edward.

The decision makes me jumpy and I peek out between the crack at Edward's sleeping form, afraid that somehow he will know what I am planning in here. He is still snoring peacefully and I suddenly feel like a weight has been lifted from my chest. Moving as quietly as possible I make my way to the walk in closet on my side of the bed.

I make sure the closet door is completely closed behind me before I turn the light on. I make quick work of packing a suitcase with things that I will need. It isn't until the wee hours of the morning that I finally slip into bed. It is the first time I sleep peacefully in years.

When I wake Edward is already gone, glancing at the clock I realize I am running late. I scramble to throw my clothes on and make myself presentable before dashing out the door. It isn't until I am halfway to work that I realize I forgot my suitcase.

Damnit.

That means I'll have to go back later on. I plan to leave work early to get it, maybe I can write a detailed letter to Edward to explain why I am going. Maybe it sounds like a horrible way to leave, but I know that if I tell him to his face that I am leaving that I won't be able to. We will be forever stuck in this bickering life, and I just can't do that anymore.

I manage to get to work on time and am engulfed into the comfort of my busy schedule. After a few hours I am able to take a break and make my way to the coffee pot. I have just taken my first sip when Riley walks up next to me.

My breath hitches in my throat and I can feel my cheeks redden. I watch him lean against the counter, smiling up at me flirtatiously. His fingers move up to push a strand of loose hair behind my ear.

"Have dinner with me." It's the same thing he's said to me everyday since he started working here almost a year ago.

"I'm leaving Edward," I tell him, his eyes move to the floor as he nods. Holding my breathe I am afraid that he will no longer want me now that I'm actually available. Finally his eyes move up to mine and they're dark and smoldering.

"So is that a yes to dinner then?" He is leaning into me, his fingers brushing along the curve of my neck.

"I don't know about tonight," I admit, because even though this feels right I'm not sure how actually leaving is going to make me feel.

"Soon than," he agrees before pushing off of the counter and walking out of the room.

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Taking a half day at work I figured would leave me plenty of time to get my stuff and write something to Edward to explain all of this. Imagine my surprise when I opened the door to find Edward standing in the kitchen grinning back at me.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

This wasn't a part of the plan. I have no idea how to leave with Edward still here, but I refuse to stay any longer. After staring at him a second longer than I should have I decide to just do it and get it over with. Edward is talking to me but I can only shake my head before disappearing into our room.

"I'm leaving," I tell him, and he looks disappointed but shakes his head in agreement.

"Business trip?" He asks me knowingly, because it is very common for me to have to travel at the drop of a hat for my career. For some reason his answer irritates me, making me narrow my eyes.

"No Edward, I'm leaving _you_," I emphasize watching the reality of my words register in his eyes.

"Let's work this out," I hear him beg me, which only makes me angry. Pinching the bridge of my nose I try to take a deep breath. Surely this is a shock to him and I can't just be a crass bitch about it since Edward doesn't seem to understand how final my decision is.

"Edward," I finally say realizing I'm not ready to explain exactly why I'm leaving yet because I know I will sound uncaring, "I just need some time."

Time to get my thoughts together so I can make him see that we are completely done. I barely register that he is nodding his head before I am out the door. But unlike the pain I thought I may feel at walking away from my old life I feel oddly like skipping.

Once my things are situated in my car I pull my phone from my pocket. When Riley answers I can't keep my smile from breaking out across my face.

"Dinner tonight would be perfect."

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**This was kind of a long one but I just couldn't break it up. **

**I'm finally back to write this story! Sorry it took so long. I had a month of my husbands family infiltrating my house and computer room, and the rest of the time, well I have been reading ff like a madman! But I plan to update at least once a week again now that I've finally gotten a chance to write again!**

**Also I heard what you all had to say about the epi from Divorce of the Century and I promise Bella's point of view for her story and epi will delve more into their actual families and lives after all of this turmoil!**

**Thanks for reading, review and I promise I'll get back to you. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I have the most gracious amazing wonderful readers. (that's my way of apologizing for this chapter being late without giving you some lame excuse). Love you all.**

**And without further ado.**

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"Don't look at me like that." I tell Angela without even tearing my eyes away from the mirror.

My mouth hangs slightly open as I apply my eyeliner, shaking my hips slightly as I dance along to the radio. I don't even have to look to know that Angela is standing behind me with her arms crossed. She's judging me.

"I'm just wondering what you're doing, is all," she tells me with a hint of annoyance in her voice. I feel like she is talking to me as though I am her child and fight the urge to roll my eyes. I don't roll my eyes since she is the one who is giving me a place to stay but more for the fact that I don't want to stab myself with the thin pencil.

"I just need to get my mind off of everything, you know, actually have a little fun for once." I am trying to keep my own annoyance out of my voice. It is really hard since I have had my defenses up with Edward for so long it just seems to come naturally with everyone else in my life also.

"I just don't want you to get hurt," she sighs, her voice becoming gentler. Pulling the pencil from my eye I glance up at her reflection in the mirror. I feel guilty when I see the worry written on her face.

"I know what I'm doing okay?" I try to reassure her, because really I don't have the slightest idea.

"Okay, if you say so." Angela doesn't sound convinced and I watch her biting her bottom lip. I'm not sure if it's something she's picked up from me or I've gotten from her but it's a habit neither of us can seem to break.

"All I'm going to do is go out tonight, have fun, smile and laugh. I'm not going to argue with anyone for once, and I am most definitely NOT going to think about Edward," I tell her, because surely she has to understand, especially after everything with Ben.

"Fine, just be careful. And call me if you need anything!" She concedes.

"Don't I always?" I laugh, because Angela has been my rock for a long time now.

The knock on the door makes Angela jump and my heart begins to race in anticipation.

"Sounds like your date is here," Angela wiggles her eyebrows suggestively at me, making me blush as I make my way to open the door.

Pulling the door open I am hit with the cool night air and the scent of Riley's cologne. His dark hair is slightly messed up, making him look like he just rolled out of bed.I'm praying I'm not drooling at his appearance but when his blue eyes pierce into mine, one eyebrow raised while a small smirk is playing on his lips I know he can see just how much I appreciate the way he looks.

"Shall we?" He asks, extending his arm to me which makes me giggle shyly. My cold fingers slide across his warm skin before my arm is nestled snugly between his arm and firm chest.

"Bye!" I manage to shout out to Angela before slamming the door behind me. Riley opens my car door for me, and for the first time in a long time I am biting my lip but not because I am deep in thought or frustrated.

Dinner is amazing.

Riley and I talk about everything, we laugh about everything else, and when his fingers brush against the top of my hand I can feel the old familiar tingle inside of me that I had almost forgotten existed. Before I know it the night is over and we are back on Angela's front porch.

My back is pressed up against the door and I can't stop the small smile that dances on my lips when I tell Riley the old cliche that "I had a good time tonight". When Riley takes a step towards me I can feel my breath catch in my throat.

His hand slowly moves up and I think he is going to push my hair out of my face but instead the warmth of his palm stays cupped around my icy cheek. Instinctively I lean into him, staring up at him through my eyelashes.

"I want to kiss you, but I don't want to scare you away. I know you're just coming out of something huge, but I want something real with you Bella. I don't want to push you too far. You have to tell me if I'm pushing you too far." His voice is a whisper as his eyes plead with me. His thumb slowly strokes across my cheekbone making it hard for me to swallow, my tongue seeming to stick to the roof of my mouth.

"I want you to kiss me," I breath softly and it only takes a moment before his lips capture mine. They are warm and inviting and I find myself standing on tiptoes to reach him, my hands resting against each one of his cheeks.

When his tongue sweeps across my bottom lip I open my mouth greedily allowing our tongues to clash in a hot wet mess. The kiss is hot, and leaves me aching with desire and yet all I can think about is Edward.

His kisses are never quite this sloppy, and his hands along my body are reassuring while Riley's make me feel slightly anxious. I am aware that my body has tensed about the same time Riley does and we both pull away. I am angry at myself for ruining such a great moment.

"I'm sorry, it was too soon," Riley breathes against my swollen lips, his forehead resting against mine. but all I can do is shake my head.

"I'm sorry, I'm just..." I trail off not sure how to finish that sentence.

"Not ready yet," Riley finishes for me, pulling away so that he can look into my eyes, "I get it. Don't worry I'm not going anywhere."

His words are comforting and daunting at the same time and the two feelings together confuse me. Suddenly it's like the weight of the world is crashing down on me when I realize that I left my husband this afternoon. I left my husband and I just made out with a coworker that actively pursued me when I was a married woman.

"I think I should get inside," I say, twisting the door knob behind me before sliding into the house as quickly as possible.

"Okay, I'll see you later." He tells me, while I'm closing the door in his face. It isn't until I slide the deadbolt in the lock that I hear him make his way off of the porch and the low purr of his car starting up. Letting my head fall forward my forehead hits the door with a slight thud. What the fuck am I doing?

Taking a deep breath I head towards the couch where Angela has made up a makeshift bed for me. She told me I could use her craft room where a small twin resides, but I'm hoping I won't have to impose on her for too long before I find my own place. Pulling my phone out of my purse to set my alarm I notice I have 30 missed calls. All of them are from Edward.

The agitation is back and I am seething again. Why can't Edward even respect that I told him I need some time? Does he really think calling me a million times is going to solve anything?

Punching my pillow a few times I settle back and close my eyes. I let my mind wander, replaying the events of the night. My body reacts the same way it did earlier when I think of the sweet gestures and small touches from Riley. Now I am not only pissed at Edward, but at myself for turning Riley away.

Stupid Edward ruins everything.

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**It's 12:30am, but I have the next chapter swimming in my head already so hopefully you will have another chapter sooner than this one. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for your kind words, and reviews. I love you all!**

**What doesn't SM own?**

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"Bella, what are you doing?"

This has become Angela's mantra over the past few days and I feel like I want to ring her neck. Instead I ignore her, riffling through my closet looking for something attractive to wear. Angela's sigh is as loud and frustrated as I am currently feeling.

"Have you even talked to Edward since you left?" She tries to prod me.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no." I respond curtly.

"Don't you even care how you're _husband_ is doing," she spits back. The claws are out and I'm not going down without a fight.

"I really couldn't care much about how my soon to be _ex husband_ is doing, it's his own business now." I try to dissuade this fight from happening but I can tell by the anger that flashes in Angela's eyes that I have only stoked the fire.

"You know what Isabella Cullen, you are being a selfish bitch!" She shouts taking a step closer to me.

Ever since seeing Edward at the store yesterday Angela has been all over me for spending so much time with Riley. The only reason I had gone over to talk to him was because it felt more obligatory than anything else. I have tried to be nice to Angela about all of this, because I know that she just cares about me. But today I am beyond my breaking point and her words have me ready to claw her eyes out.

"Fuck you! What do you know about relationships?!" I counter, taking the final step between us that brings us almost chest to chest.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Angela challenges, her voice suddenly sounding calm and even.

"I don't know, why don't we ask Ben and his secretary, what was her name? Kate?" My tone matches hers and I watch her blanch at my words.

It's a low blow and I know it. So low that I will probably punch myself for it once I've calmed down, but I just need her out of my face right now.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Her voice is almost a whisper. A single tear slides down her face and the remorse is already beginning to set in.

"Ang, I'm sorry...," I start to say but Angela holds up her hand cutting me off.

"No Bella, maybe you need to know," She takes a deep breath before she continues, "Ben didn't leave me for his secretary."

The room is so quiet the drop of a pin would sound like a sonic boom.

"I don't understand." My voice is barely a whisper.

"I told everyone that Ben had an affair. And shortly after that he left. Everyone just assumed he left with her, but that's not what happened. After I found out about Ben and Kate I was just so hurt and angry. He said it was only one time. _He_ wanted to try to work things out. _I_ am the one that kicked him out. I told him if I wasn't making him happy anymore he should just go be with Kate. But as far as I know he hasn't ever been with her, or seen her since." Angela's eyes are pleading with me to understand something I am just not grasping.

"Why are you telling me this? What does this have to do with me?" My arms are wrapped protectively around my middle. Her words make me feel vulnerable and I'm not sure why.

"Because Bella, Ben begged me to try to work things out. He offered to go to counseling. He offered to find a new job. He told me we would move away if being around here was too hard. He was willing to do anything, but I shut him out completely. I was just so hurt...then when people started assuming he left with Kate, I didn't want everyone to think I was weak for trying to take him back." Her eyes are fixated on the floor.

"Did you want to take him back?" I wonder aloud.

"Maybe. Yes. I don't know. All I really know is that I regret that I didn't at least try to see if we could fix it. Sure cheating was a major fuck up on his part, but I can't say I didn't do my fair share of driving him away long before he got to that point." She looks up at me finally and I can see that her cheeks are awash in tears.

"Where is he now?" Her story makes my heart ache.

"He stays at the rec center. He still wants to try." Angela shrugs her shoulders in defeat and for the first time it is like I am seeing the real her. Seeing the toll that everything has taken on her.

"You can still try, Ang," I tell her, moving to wrap my arms around her shoulders.

"I'm going to." She pulls away from my embrace slightly so that she can see me more clearly, "I'm telling you this Bella, because I don't want you to make the same mistake I made. I know things have been hard for you two lately, but you have both played a part in the fuckups. Maybe it doesn't feel like it's worth fixing right now, but think about it Bella, you haven't spent the past 12 years of your life married to him because you didn't think it was worth it." Angela pulls away from me, apparently not expecting any response as she leaves me and what she has just said alone.

My mind plays back her words over and over, while I try to make sense of it all. Unconsciously my mind slips to Edward, and I remember seeing him this afternoon. At the time I had felt annoyed, maybe even a little angry at him for being at a store that I knew we often frequented. He was intruding on my good mood and I hated that.

But now as I recall the interaction I realize what a cold heartless bitch I must have seemed. He had looked horrible. He was abnormally pale compared to normal, which highlighted the dark circles below his eyes that told me that he hadn't been sleeping.

I did that to him.

Angela knocks on the door, breaking me from my thoughts when she tells me that Riley is there. She smiles at me apologetically, and doesn't even seem upset when I still leave with him.

On the car ride to the restaurant, Riley doesn't even seem aware that something is bothering me. He chatters mindlessly about his day while I stare at him like he has suddenly grown two heads. Edward always knew when something was wrong with me. I was always Edward's first priority, even on our bad days.

He notices me looking at him and grins at me, reaching his hand over to grab mine. That is when I realize that I hate that when he grins at me both sides of his mouth turn up, unlike Edward, who's grin is lopsided and sexy. For the first time I notice how sweaty his hands are on mine, and how his fingers remind me of overstuffed sausages being forced between my fingers. Nothing about being around Riley feels right, because nothing about Riley is like Edward.

"Hey, you alright?" Riley asks me, resting his hand on my knee, and I realize that we have been stopped for quite some time now and I have yet to even unbuckle my seatbelt.

"I can't do this." I tell him, shaking my head so vehemently that you would think he had just asked me to murder someone.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Now he's concerned.

"This just isn't right. Please, just take me back to Angela's." I am practically begging him, feeling on the edge of panic.

"Okay, we'll try again another night." He tries to promise as he starts the car.

"No, I don't think so." I tell him curtly.

"Is it him?" He asks me, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"It's always been him," I barely whisper as my words struggle past the lump in my throat.

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**What do you think about the insight from Angela? **

**Reviews are love!**


	4. Chapter 4

**It's really been almost 2 months since my last update? Sorry I suck so much guys! Promise I will try to do better.**

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Deciding that I'm not yet over Edward is not easy for me to accept.

I hate feeling so out of control of the situation that I have gotten myself into. I hate the anger that seems to course through every fiber of my being is an unwelcome feeling. I especially hate how Edward still seems to have so much power over me when I am the one who left him.

Since Riley is no longer in the picture, Angela hasn't said much to me, leaving me alone for the most part. Maybe she knows that I am once again on the edge of breaking down. That I am so tightly wound that I may throw a brick through a window at any moment. Or maybe she's waiting for me to have some amazing breakthrough. Regardless I find myself weary of the silence and all the alone time I have managed to accrue.

Part of me thinks that maybe I should have called Edward by now. That maybe I should have at least told him that I would like to try to work on things at some point. But then I am overwhelmed by the feeling that I will be smothered by him knowing. That somehow this will make him once again a part of every little detail of my life. That alone keeps my aching fingers from dialing his number, and my feet from showing up on our doorstep so that I can just see his face one more time.

I have no idea what my next move is, so instead I am trying to go through the motions of a semi-normal routine in my life until I figure it out.

Today is as normal of a day that I can get since I have decided that I want to try to work things out with Edward. The sun is shining abnormally bright, but the colors seem to blend and fade into pastels. My chest is so tight that sometimes I think it would be easier to breathe if I had a house of bricks on top of me. Everything in my world just seems to be off. The common denominator always coming back to Edward.

But when my phone rings I don't even check the callerid like usual before answering it.

"Aunt Bella?" Chrissy's tiny voice questions me over the line. Even at a young age she is starting to sound so much like Alice that it makes me pause momentarily.

"Hey, beautiful," I manage to say, catching myself before I can hang up on her. I have been trying to avoid everyone that is associated with Edward lately, especially Alice, which unfortunately means not talking to my little niece.

"You missed my recital." The disappointment is apparent in her voice. Glancing at the calendar I can't help but smack the heel of my palm against my forehead when I see today circled in bright red pen with bold words that read "CHRISSY'S BALLET RECITAL".

"Honey, I'm so sorry something came up at work." The lie tastes bitter in my mouth.

"It's okay." She says reluctantly before quietly adding, "I miss you."

The pause is silent and awkward because I don't know how to respond to that. I miss her too, but how do I tell her that I just can't be around right now? Seeming to sense this she continues on without a response from me.

"You haven't come to visit me lately." I can almost imagine the adorable six year old on the other end, with the phone mashed between her cheek and her shoulder as she twirls a single curl between her fingers.

"I know, I know. Things have been really busy. I promise I will try to come see you soon." I promise her, and I mean it.

"Okay...mommy said it's because you're a see-you-next-tuesday. What does that mean?" She prods me and I can feel my eyebrows shoot up. It is officially safe to say that Alice is upset with me about everything.

"Uh...it just means that I've been really busy lately." I try to cover up, unsure of how we will explain that one to her later.

"Alright. Well mommy and uncle Edward are going to the beach next week. I told them it wasn't fair because I want to go, but mommy said grown ups only!" She complains to me. I know that she hates being called a kid when she's all grown up now, being a first grader in elementary school. Hearing the disdain in her voice makes me smile. Alice sure is going to be in trouble once Chrissy gets into high school.

"Oh really? It's probably going to be stupid boring stuff anyway." I try to amend her, even though my chest tightens at the prospect of why they are leaving town.

Edward hates the beach. I have tried to get him to take me, even for a day trip but he always has some excuse. Why would he go now?

"Yea, probably. Besides you won't be there, so I don't want to go anyway." She says haughtily. I can almost see her sticking her chin up defiantly, one hand resting on her hip.

"Are you going to be staying with your grandma and grandpa?" I ask her, curiosity getting the best of me.

"Yea, but I'd rather stay with you. Hey! Maybe I can ask mommy and stay with you instead?" She sounds hopeful at the idea. I try to swallow the lump in my throat before rejecting her. As much as I would love that, I'm not sure if Alice will ever let me near Chrissy again. Especially since I missed her recital today and let her down.

"You know how much I would love that, but I don't want to take away from your time at grandma and grandpas. Besides they always buy you cool stuff!" My voice sounds fake even to my own ears, but thankfully Chrissy doesn't even seem to pick up on it.

"You're right! Oh wait, mommy's here now. She says she wants to talk to you." I can hear the shuffle of the phone being handed off. The silence seems to last forever, and I hear Alice's heels clacking against her wood floors before I finally hear the click of a door being shut in the background. My chest tightens in anticipation of the berating I am about to get and I contemplate hanging up before Alice can talk.

"Bella?" Her voice sounds angry and tight, but I still pick up the sad tone that seems to weave itself into my name.

"Hey." I feel stupid immediately after my response but I'm not sure what else to say.

"Where the hell have you been? You know it's one thing to leave Edward, which by the way is a HUGE fucking mistake, but you just pack up and leave the entire family? Maybe family was never as important to you as I had thought, but Chrissy adores you. Max and Mable adore you too! They're going crazy asking Em and Rose when you're going to come visit them. You don't call us. You don't tell us what's going on, and we're stuck here picking up all the pieces! Damnit Bella, how could you be so selfish?!" Her words sting but there is nothing that she has said that isn't true.

"I'm sorry, Alice, but you don't understa...," I start to say wanting to explain my new breakthrough but Alice cuts me off.

"Don't say that bullshit to me Bella Cullen. If anyone understands you KNOW that I would." The silence rings in my ears and I listen to Alice trying to catch her breath. When she speaks again it is calmer, but her the resolve in her tone is what shocks me. "We are going to Rose and Em's beach house with Edward. We are going to try to help him _get over you_, because god help me I cannot watch that man beat himself up anymore over what he did to lose you. And Bella, do not do anything to ruin this for him. At least give him this week to try to figure some shit out on his own." She threatens me before I hear the click on the other end when she disconnects the call.

Sliding to the floor tears flood my vision as the impact of everything I have truly lost by letting Edward go begins to flood my vision.

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**Just in case you've never heard it before see-you-next-tuesday=c-u-n-t. K? **


	5. Chapter 5

**Idk if you guys would care or not but if you are on Spotify at all, and you ever search a title of a story I am currently writing you will find the music I listen to while writing for inspiration. Some of the songs for this story may not make sense yet, but they definitely will over time.**

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_I'm sorry I couldn't be more._

Edward's words claw at my chest. My heart thumps loudly in my chest. I can't help but read them over and over, trying to read everything into the tiny phrase that I can. I want to text him back, to tell him that I love him and we will work things out in time. My fingers itch to dial his number. To tell him that he is _more_. But I can't. And I won't.

Alice's words from our last conversation continue to ring through my ears. I have to give him at least this weekend. But I can't stop the doubt that seems to creep into every fiber of my being. What if he is able to get over me. What if he realizes he doesn't need me? Then I will be stuck in his position. Maybe that will only be fair after everything I have put him through.

I am the one that has fucked everything up and I couldn't be more upset with myself if I tried.

Why couldn't I have just stayed? Why couldn't I have just tried to talk things out with Edward?

Even though I continue to berate myself with these questions it always comes back to one simple fact: if I had stayed nothing would have gotten resolved. Everything would have gotten swept under the rug like it has been time and time again.

All of our unresolved issues is what had crawled under my skin to begin with. Gradually eating away at me. Gnawing away slowly at our relationship, and my sanity. When Edward refused to acknowledge our problems so that we could begin to fix them, I too had let it go. Letting the skeletons in our closet grow and multiply, turning from simple bones to rotting corpses.

Those were the things that had driven us apart throughout the years. Stress built upon stress, built upon stress, built upon anger had turned into nagging about not picking up milk, and bitterness when I didn't get the right sauce. They had led to sexless nights and tension in the simplest of conversations.

It was the foundation to every fault that we had, and I knew that they needed to be addressed before we could be fixed. Before I could look at Edward again and not want to wrap my hands around his throat until he understood just how frustrated I have become with our baggage.

So instead of texting Edward back when he writes me I cry. I cry and I turn once again into a sappy teenager. Blasting sappy love songs on the stereo, standing on my bed in an oversized t-shirt and underwear as I sing into a hairbrush. Tears streak my cheeks, and I know that days of makeup stain my face but I can't find it in me to care.

When Angela peaks in at me to see what all the noise is about her eyebrows seem to shoot up to her hairline. Moving to the stereo she turns it down carefully, shaking her head sadly the entire time. If I wasn't so lost in my own sorrow I would find it almost comical.

But Angela is nothing if not loving as she manages to coax me down from my stage of misery. She talks me into taking a shower to clean all of the caked on makeup off of my face. I decide toI call into work for the rest of the week.

We camp out on the couch together eating ice cream and crappy chinese take out while we watch stupid girly movies. There are a few times Angela even joins me as we sing a duet of sappy love songs, sounding like dying cats. We are lucky that the neighbors don't even call the cops on us.

Angela and I cry together about our love woes. I try to talk to her again about seeing Ben, or at least talking to him. She is scared and I can empathize with her about how hard it must be to try to talk to Ben after so much time has passed. Edward and I have been apart for a fraction of the time they have and I am already filled with so many doubts and insecurities.

It is a typical night with Angela, cuddled up on opposite couches. At her feet the calico cat lays curled into a ball. The comforter from her bed seems to envelope her, only her torso sticking out as she clutches her tub of strawberry ice cream. I look much the same, minus the cat, and my tub of ice cream is rocky road.

We are watching the notebook for the umpteenth time, tears already streaming down our face only minutes into the movie. I have just dropped chocolate ice cream on my ratty white shirt when my phone dings beside me. Wiping my finger across the stray liquid I bring it to my lips at the same time I open the little envelope on my cell phone screen.

_I thought I could drink you away. There was a girl at the bar who wanted to help me forget about you. But I can't. You are the only thing I want to remember. I'm so sorry._

The words slice into me as I bite my finger, making myself wince. I don't know if I want to go beat the shit out of the girl, or if I want to go kiss Edward because he still wants me. _He still wants me._

The thought floats around me making me light headed. Dropping my phone into the tub of ice cream I can't stop the torrent of tears that start slipping down my cheeks. Reaching into the ice cream Angela pulls out my phone reading the text on the screen.

"I have to call him, Angela." I tell her, reaching out to try to grab my phone back.

"No, Bella. Not yet." She holds it up away from me and I am reminded of when we used to play keep away as kids. I've always sucked at this game.

"Angela, please give me my phone. I need to talk to him!" I cry out. We are both standing on the couch cushions now. Angela is trying to hold her arm as high as possible, while I attempt to snatch it from her the desperation making my hands shake.

"Bella, you said you want to give Edward this time right? To clear his head? So that when you do talk to him you'll know if he wants to be with you or not. Right?" She tries to reason with me, but I don't want to hear it because at the moment I am too drunk on rocky road and sappy movies and I just need to hear Edward's voice.

"Please," my voice sounds pitiful even to me in my attempt to beg Angela for my phone back.

"Bella, he said he's been drinking. He's probably drunk right now. You want to talk to him when he's sober. Don't be that drunken text that leads to a drunken phone call that _he_ regrets in the morning." I know she is right and I hate it. But I know if I call him and he regrets it in the morning that I will hate myself even more.

"Fine." I concede, childishly digging a huge spoonful of ice cream out of the tub before jamming it into my mouth.

* * *

**Twofer? Going to try for three chapters tonight but I make no promises! Reviews make me write faster, I swear!**

**Oh also just really quick I wrote an entry for the Season Of Our Discontent. It is an anonymous contest but maybe in the downtime until I can update again you can read the entries and vote? fanfiction{ dot }net { slash }~seasonofourdiscontent**


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